Choice

I'll be honest with you, the last two weeks have been really hard. My emotions always tend to ebb and flow with the behaviors of my students and my students have been going through some difficult experiences of late.

I have long had an absolute passion for the written word (hence, this blog). I make my living with words and choosing the right things to say to make someone feel better is as much a part of my daily life as eating or breathing. Some words hold a bigger significance than others. There are words that always make me laugh ("kumquat" for instance. I mean, really? Say it to yourself a few times. I bet you start laughing.) And then there are words that are so inevitably powerful, my fists clench when I think them. Like the word, "choice."

My students have been making some difficult choices lately, and some have had their choices taken away from them. I have two incredibly bright, talented students who are no longer in school through no fault of their own. These students made every effort to remain in school for as long as they could because learning (another powerful word) was important to them. I think about both of them every day and I hope that they will return as soon as they possibly can, because they have impossibly bright futures ahead of them.

I have some other students who chose to challenge themselves this semester. They took bad situations, struggles, and academic difficulties, and they stood up to all of it. These students refused to allow a bad start to determine the outcome of their education. They have worked harder this semester than I ever thought possible. When they get a bad grade, these students experience a momentary setback...and then they try again. They fall and then they stand up again. How many people do you know in your life who can do that? I would rather work with a student who is motivated to succeed, rather than a student with all of the god-given talent in the world, because the motivated student will work until they drop.

But I also have students who have "checked out." I have students this semester who stopped caring, who are just coasting through, who don't know what they want and can't get motivated enough to find out, who would rather sit around and smoke pot than read a book. Please don't get me wrong. It's ok if you don't know what you want to do...as long as you are actively seeking an answer! It's easy to get bogged down in hopelessness when you feel completely adrift, but why would you wallow in that? And yes, I understand the need to kick back with the recreational substances (I am the last person to lecture anyone on that subject), but when "recreation" becomes your full time job, your priorities are clearly out of alignment.

Let me ask those of you who have "checked out" a question: why are you wasting your time? Can you write down exactly how you spend every hour of every day? If you have big dreams (and don't tell me you don't have goals, because that's bullshit) do you really think that sitting on your ass is going to help you accomplish those dreams? If you're in college right now, why aren't you taking advantage of the opportunity? You (or your parents) are probably paying quite a bit of money for your time in school. Why are you wasting that money? If you truly, honestly, do NOT want to be in school, then you need to sit down with your parents and lay it out for them, point by point, how you're going to spend your life and how you're going to make money. If you can't do that, then start taking advantage of what is right in front of you, because you aren't ready to be on your own just yet (not being able to have a "grown up" conversation with your parents is a major sign of that...yes, it's scary, but you have to do it if you want this.)

If you're in school and you aren't leaving any time soon, maybe a change is in order. If you aren't happy in your major, switch to undeclared until you figure out the thing that really makes you happy. But sitting around waiting for life to happen to you isn't getting you anywhere. Yes, you should experience friends, and parties, and relationships, and all of the other social things that go along with college--but not to the complete exclusion of the act of learning. The whole purpose of these four (or five) years is to start forming that person you will be as an adult. I can't say that I've met many college freshman who start their first year saying, "I want to be a deadbeat who gets fired from every minimum wage job he gets and has no outside interests and can't form coherent thoughts!" Because that is the pattern you're setting.

I cannot make these choices for you. I can help you talk out your thoughts about your career and the places you see yourself going. I can help make those academic classes more bearable. But I can't do any of that until you are honest with yourself. What do you really want from your education? What do you hope to gain from all of this? Don't dodge the question, don't evade it. You don't have to tell me the answers, but you sure as hell have to be clear about them in your own head.

"Choose (verb): 1) to select from a number of possibilities. 2) to prefer or decide; to pick by preference. 3) to want; desire."

The acting of choosing is not passive. You cannot "select," "decide," or "desire" without some action on your part. Allowing someone else to make decisions for you is NOT choosing...it is inaction. And at a time in your life when you are forming yourself, inaction is deadly.