Back to the "Real" World

Classes have ended, finals are being graded, and my students are heading home after a very long first year of college. I am struck (as I am every year) by the surreal passage of time in the academic world--blindingly fast one minute, painfully slow the next--I wonder if I will ever get used to it...

I always encourage my students to look back at this point in their academic careers. Think about who you were when you began your first semester of school...think about who you are now. The differences are usually enormous. We rarely feel these fundamental shifts in ourselves, but their occurrence is part of what makes the first year of college so important. The people that are most likely to notice those changes are your friends and family--the people that you will be spending your summer with.

The simple fact of the matter is that you have had experiences that some of your "old" friends haven't had. When you head home for the summer, be aware that you're going to hear the phrase "you've changed" a lot more than you expected to. I was frightened and upset when some of my friends said that to me my first summer home from college. Had I changed? Was I a completely different person, and did that make me somehow less than I had been before? The answer is "no." Try to remember as you head home that "different" does not mean "bad." Of course you have changed! You have learned a hell of a lot about yourself in the past 8 months. Learning = growth, and you're all starting to grow into the amazing adults I know you will become. You may find that people you used to really like spending time with are now people who drive you crazy. That's ok too. Remember that you had amazing times with those people and cherish those memories--and then move on.

Perhaps one of the biggest challenges you will face is heading home to live with Mom and Dad again. Some of your parents will expect you to slide right back into your role as their "baby", or "free labor", or any of the other things that our parents expect from us or perceive us to be. I hate to break it to you, but that's never going to change. I'm 31 years old and my mom still refers to me as her "baby". The important thing is to get your parents to realize that you're becoming an adult. If you are going to live at home this summer, establish your ground rules early. Are your parents going to expect you to be home by a certain time? (avoid using the word "curfew", you'll feel a lot more like a grown-up) Do your parents expect you to help out around the house in exchange for free room and board? (this is probably one of the last times in your life where you'll get such a sweet deal--why don't you offer help around the house...it will go a long way toward making your parents treat you like an adult!) Sit down with your parents at the beginning of the summer and talk about all this. Avoid nasty surprises later!

When I was in college, I used to hate hearing people tell me about the "real world". I can't count the number of times I was told that I would learn how things really worked when I got out into the real world. Or that the real world would chew me up and spit me out. The truth is that you're already in the real world when you're in college...you just have a safety net (well, several safety nets). You have professors standing under you, advisors looking out for you, your parents; all of these things will catch you if you fall. And if one net breaks, there is another one there ready to help. College is a great time to start developing "adult" safety nets. You will always have friends and family (college is great for teaching you that you can relocate and reestablish your friend support system). Instead of professors and advisors, you'll have colleagues and supervisors at work.

So the next time someone tells you to get ready for the "real world", tell them you're already in it...you just don't have to pay rent (and then smile.)